If We Ever Meet Again
by MintSauce
Summary: Kyle just knows life is out to get him when the love of his life he met in college appears again. . . but this time to date his best friend Cass, not him.
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, so this is the first fanfiction I've ever written and I would just like to say that I'm not American, nor have I ever been to America so I'm not going to attempt to try and write Kyle's accent into this, just try and imagine it into your head. Also, if there are any words or phrases which are British rather than American. . . sorry, it's just what comes naturally. **

**Please read and review, just so I know whether or not to actually continue :) thank you **

**Kyle**

She grinned, probably the widest in a long time as she walked out of the bedroom. Her black hair fell in ringlet curls around her shoulders and she was dressed in a pair of tight-fitting black jeans and a long top. Quite simply, she was stunning and Kyle prided himself on being able to think that without being attracted to her at all.

"You seen my leather jacket?" she asked him, frowning at the apartment, her features squishing together until she went from beautiful to merely cute.

Kyle shook his head. "Nope, not recently," he replied, "You could wear mine." She sometimes did so it wasn't a completely abnormal thing to say.

She snorted softly. "I'm going on a date, I can't turn up in some guy's jacket, what sort of impression is that going to give?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

He grinned, it had been a while since she had gone out on a date. Multiple failed relationships, the last one consisting of a cheating scumbag had not given her the best faith in men. Kyle put it mainly down to her taste, but then he couldn't really comment. His own track record wasn't the best, but that was because he couldn't bring himself to quite get over the first guy he'd ever loved. "Ooh, little Cassie's got herself a date," he got up and tweaked the end of her nose, still grinning like a fool, "No wonder you're all dressed up."

Normally she wasn't so bothered about how she looked, but tonight she was wearing make-up, another thing she didn't do on a day to day basis.

"Shut up," she said, rolling her eyes and feigning being annoyed as she walked across the room, her high heels clicking on the wooden floor.

"Sooo," Kyle said ignoring her last comment as he threw himself back down on the sofa, reclining with his arms behind his head, "What's the unfortunate guy's name?"

Cass glared at him until he apologised and changed his statement.

"I take it back," he muttered quickly, "What's the oh-so-lucky guy's name?"

"That's better," she said, giving up on finding the leather jacket and grabbing another one off the hanger by the door, "Whose is this?"

Kyle shrugged, "How am I supposed to know?"

Then again, actually, as he thought about it, he did know who's it was.

She laughed at the expression on his face, knowing him too well, but then she had known him since they were kids so he supposed that came with the territory. "Who's is it?" she asked.

"Evie's," he replied a little begrudgingly, "But don't worry, she left it here like a week ago and she won't notice you borrowed it and even if she does, she isn't going to care."

Eve didn't even live with them and she'd only left her jacket because she'd gotten so pissed with them one night she was lucky she was even dressed at all. They had nights like that sometimes, when their little group of friends would just sit in and get drunk for absolutely no reason. Of course, Cass just said it was evidence they were getting old, but Kyle tried not to think about that. They weren't even thirty yet for God's sake, that was when he was going to start worrying about things like getting too old, having grey hairs and getting a beer belly.

"Yeah," Cass replied, checking her watch and then smoothing her hands down the front of her top, "Do I look alright? He's going to be here any minute and I said I'd be downstairs waiting for him."

Kyle smiled, sincerely this time because he could see that she was genuinely nervous about her date. And he could understand those nerves, the nerves that implied you didn't have a whole lot of self-confidence. They were nerves that only came when you'd been told you weren't good enough, when you'd been let down in the past. Yes, Kyle understood those nerves completely.

"You look beautiful," he told her, "Just like always."

She smiled, that heart-warming genuinely beautiful smile that she rarely seemed to give to anyone outside of their group of friends. "Thank you," she replied, bending over the back of the sofa to plant a kiss on his cheek, "I might see you later, but don't wait up."

"I won't," he promised, then grinned wickedly, "Now, have fun and don't do anything I wouldn't do."

She snorted, "Kyle, there isn't a hell of a lot you wouldn't do."

He just shrugged, saying nothing. Just before she left though, he twisted around in his position on the sofa, remembering. "Hey Cass, what's his name?" he called after her, "I need to know who I'm hunting down if he turns out to be a dick."

From the awkward position he was in, he just managed to catch her smile. "Oliver," she replied, "His name's Oliver."

Oliver.

The name seemed to hum through Kyle's veins, practically making his blood sing. It was the memories, the memories of what it felt like to be loved that made him feel like that. It had been so long since someone had looked at him like Oliver had used to. Oliver Fish. The guy with probably THE stupidest name on the planet and also the cutest smile and most amazing blue eyes Kyle had ever seen. Oliver Fish. The guy who had broken his heart into a million tiny pieces and yet still, Kyle could not quite forget about him. It was like the guy was some sort of drug and he was well and truly addicted to him.

Kyle sighed, but that was the problem with addictions, they always came back to bite you in the ass and eventually you just had to face up to facts and get over them. And Kyle kept telling himself that eventually he would get over this, he would get over Oliver. It was just a matter of when. And a matter of whether or not he actually wanted to or not.

**Oliver **

Oliver chewed his lip and underneath the table knocked his fists together nervously. He felt like he was choking, constantly sipping at his water like that would ease what felt like a major blockage in his throat. Of course, it was all just in his head, he was just nervous. And with good reason, the girl sitting across from him was beautiful, he could feel other guy's envy as they looked at them, which made him want to make this work even more.

He _had_ to make this work. _He had to_.

Her name was Cassandra, Cass she'd said to call her. She had no siblings, but a best friend who was basically like her brother, the same group of friends since she was a teenager and she was a primary school teacher, because she loved kids but hated teenagers. That was what he knew so far, if she'd told him anything else, he couldn't remember, but he was trying so desperately hard to remember.

"So Oliver?" Cass asked, smiling at him a little nervously, maybe feeling the awkwardness that was starting to settle between them, he didn't know, "What college did you go to?"

Now that was a relatively easy question as long as he didn't let his mind linger too much on college. That road only led to pain and regret on his part. "I went to LU," he replied, "Then went to the Police Academy."

She smiled again, but he didn't know how real a smile it was. "I had friends who went there," she said, "LU I mean, not the Police Academy." Oliver could have been wrong, but he thought she seemed really nervous. He didn't know her well enough to tell. He knew some things about her now, but not a lot, he knew she was beautiful and he also knew he never would have had the courage to even talk to her, let alone ask her out if he hadn't been slightly tipsy at the time though.

That fact hadn't seemed to bother her too much though, or maybe she just hadn't noticed.

"What about you?" he asked, following the obvious trend for conversation, "Where did you go?"

"I went to England," she said, toying with the straw that was stuck in her Coke and looking up at him through thick lashes. Oliver remembered someone else who had used to look up at him like that, through their lashes, like they were trying to hide behind them. He shook himself out of that train of thought before he could start remembering the sultry look on that person's face as they'd looked at him, before he remembered their kiss and their smile. That had been a long time ago. He shouldn't be remembering anymore.

It surprised him a little that she'd gone to England, but he didn't know why. "Why England?" he asked, "You not like any colleges around here, or did you just want something different?"

She shrugged. "I don't know, I guess so," she said, "I'd always wanted to go to England, but it wasn't until we were starting to apply to colleges that I realised that I had been in the same place with the same friends for all of my life, I sort of wanted to see what sort of person I could be away from all that was familiar." She frowned a little and the expression on her face was adorable, even he could see that. "Does that make sense?"

In fact, it made perfect sense. Running away from everything that was familiar and that seemed right and trying to reinvent yourself. That was something he felt like he had been doing for his entire life. He'd moved away from home to go to college just to escape the almost strangling confines of his parents and now he was trying frantically to run away from everything that had happened in college.

"Yeah," he replied, "It does actually, so what was England like?"

"Rainy," she said after a moment of considering it, "But it was good, different from here."

He smiled, she seemed to relax as she remembered her college days. He just wished he could do that when he did the same. "How do you mean?" he asked her eventually, actually finding himself interested in the conversation, interested in her and that was good. It was a new progression to previous dates he had been on, but it was good. Definitely good.

Cass shrugged. "I don't really know," she replied, "It just was."

He didn't really know what to reply to that, so Oliver took the opportunity to take a decent mouthful of his drink. Cass had only ordered a coke, but needing to calm himself down a little, he had had a beer. She hadn't complained at all.

"You ever been to England?" she asked after the waitress set their main course down in front of them.

Oliver shook his head, "No, never really had the chance, my life's just been a series of steps with no breaks in between." He'd gone from high school to college, from college to the police academy and then on into the force. He hadn't really had time to just kick back and relax, going on holiday and doing things like other people normally did. And not only because he didn't have anybody to do it with. The idea of relaxing, of having nothing to do but lie there and think scared him, because he knew what he would inevitably start thinking about.

"You should go," she said, "It's a good experience."

"I'll put it on my list of things to do," he said light-heartedly, but in his head he was registering the difference between this date and the past. Oliver didn't like to talk as he ate. He never had. He liked to talk before and after food, but while he was eating he just wanted to focus on doing that. And he thought maybe it was just girls, but they didn't seem to shut up, especially when food was in front of them. His brain instantly started reminding him of the one person who had amicably sat in silence with him as they ate, not liking to speak during that time either.

Oliver wondered if stabbing himself with the fork in his hand would stop the memories that flickered behind his eyelids every time he blinked, playing like a film reel that was on loop. He didn't know how to stop them and the worst part was, he wasn't sure that he wanted to.

"Good," she said, smiling before allowing them to eat in silence for a little bit longer, "Where's home by the way, can't believe I haven't asked you that yet?" She was staring at him intently, like knowing his home state was vitally important information.

"I grew up in Iowa and my parents still live there," he replied after swallowing his mouthful, "But Llanview's been my home since I moved here to go to college." Here was where all of his memories seemed to be, where his everything seemed to be and even though he wanted to run from it, he couldn't bring himself to leave either. "What about you?" he asked, knowing she was expecting the question, "Where's home?"

She sipped at her drink before speaking, as though she had to prepare herself. "Well it was never really home, but I'm from the South, North Carolina to be exact," she told him, "But like you, Llanview's my home now and I wouldn't have it any other way."

"Do you miss it?" he asked, "North Carolina?"

_Dark brown eyes met his and the accompanying smile was beautiful. "I miss the food a little," he admitted, "But Ollie, how could I ever want to be anywhere else when everything I need is right here." He leant in and pressed his mouth to Oliver's in a gentle, sweet kiss. _

It was difficult, but Oliver shook away the memories, stamping them down and hoping that this time he'd succeed in locking them away for good.

"Sometimes a little," she admitted and he was thankful that he managed to tune into what she was saying just in time, "But all the people that mattered moved with me to here and I don't exactly have much family to miss."

He nodded, he could understand in a way. Or at least, he could remember someone else being in almost exactly the same situation. "You know what they say," he muttered after a minute, feeling like he needed to say something more, "Home is where the heart is."

He just wished he knew where his heart was, because he wasn't so sure anymore.

**Kyle**

Despite his best efforts, Kyle was still awake when Cass came home. He heard the front door open and without even thinking about it slipped out of bed to greet her. He leant against the doorjamb, just watching her silently, taking in the happy smile and the love struck glitter in her eyes. He hadn't seen her this happy in a long time.

"So I'm guessing the date went well."

She jumped a little when he spoke, obviously not expecting him to be awake. It wasn't late, but Kyle was a medical student, he tended to sleep whenever he wasn't studying or working. "Yeah, it was really great," she said, smiling at him as she hung Eve's jacket back up on the peg, "I know I shouldn't say this quite this early, but I really like him."

He smiled back, pleased for her. Pleased one of them was happy. "Then don't let anything ruin it," he said, pressing a kiss to her temple as she leant into him, "You deserve the one good guy in the world." She rested her forehead against his in that way they always seemed to do, it was their comfort position. "Of course," he added when they threatened to remain like that all night, "If he turned out to be even a little bit gay, I'd steal him from you in a heartbeat."

She laughed, pulling away and tossing a sultry look over her shoulder as she went to her room that would have any straight guy falling to their knees before her. "Well sorry to disappoint you, babe," she said, not sounding sorry at all, "But this one _definitely_ isn't gay."

He pretended to be disappointed. "Well darn it!"

Their combined laughter still seemed to ring around the apartment even after they retreated into their own rooms. Kyle knew that he may not have had the love of his life anymore, but he definitely still had his best friend.


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay, so I don't know if anybody is actually reading this, but I have stuff written and I kind of want to see if I can actually finish it. So. . . . here it is. Please read and give me a review if you do read this. . . just so I know whether or not it's worth continuing. **

**Kyle**

"Evie, do I have to?" Kyle asked, pouting as best he could to try and weaken her resolve, "You know they all hate me down there, so I don't see why you want me to go!"

"They do not all hate you!" she insisted, lying with her head in his lap and staring up at him with wide pleading eyes. It was difficult to resist, even Kyle had to admit that. "And I want you to go because I can't go alone and Cass can't be torn away from her new boyfriend for like even a second and Luke wouldn't be able to get the time off work anyway."

He snorted, "Ahh, so I'm your back-up plan."

He considered being offended, but in the end it really wasn't worth it because he wasn't really.

"No, that's not what I'm saying," she said mildly in her placating voice, "I'm just explaining to you why it has to be you." Now she was pouting and he hated that it was more effective than his attempt had been. "Please don't make me go alone Kyle," she begged, that lower lip quivering, "Pleeeeease."

"Evie, they hate me!" he whined, "You know it'll only turn out badly!"

Although, he had to admit, it would be worth going to just to see their faces.

"They do _not_ hate you," she insisted.

He gave her his very best incredulous look, hoping he pulled it off better than he did pouting. Then again, he remembered a time when and a person with whom both of those looks had worked perfectly. "Your sister still refers to me as '_That Queer_'," he reminded her pointedly,

Eve flinched, he knew she couldn't help it and he knew it wasn't her fault that her sister was so narrow-minded, but she still flinched nevertheless. "M-Maybe now she's better," she muttered eventually after spending five minutes staring at the television without really seeing it.

And Kyle could have kicked himself for not realising sooner. She was thinking about her brother, thinking maybe his death would have changed something in her sister. Of course, Kyle knew it wouldn't have. Eve's sister, Missy had hated her brother in life for being something that she didn't consider normal and the fact he'd been killed for that reason, well for Missy that would just prove her point, that I was unnatural.

"Shhh," he said softly, kissing her forehead and taking her hand, "Don't think about that now."

He knew he'd agree to go now, no matter what, because he remembered that this was the first time Eve was actually going back home since Sean's funeral. She hadn't been able to bring herself to before, too many memories, but this was her sister's wedding, it was different than Christmas or Thanksgiving. It didn't happen every year.

She didn't cry like she usually did when someone mentioned Sean, but there was a sadness in her smile when she looked at him again. "So will you come?" she asked, her voice slightly cracked, but otherwise normal, "Will you come to the wedding?"

Kyle nodded, squeezing her fingers. "Of course," he promised, "Anything for you."

He'd just have to find a way to be the bigger man and ignore the comments thrown his way about being gay and being unholy and damned to hell. After all, he'd heard it all before, it wasn't really anything new.

Needing to lighten the mood, he snorted suddenly, making Eve jump a little. "You see," he said when she looked at him, "This is why I don't date women." He grinned at her, "Not only do you whine a hell of a lot and take too long in the bathroom, but you always seem to get your damn way."

He immediately felt better the minute she laughed.

**Oliver**

He'd worked it out, worked out why he was actually starting to get attached to Cass. It wasn't that she was quite possibly the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen, it wasn't that she was a lovely person or that they had things in common, it was that she reminded him of Kyle. She was practically the female version of him.

Sure, they didn't look similar, she was all long legs with incredibly dark hair and light green eyes, whereas Kyle had been shorter, his brown hair almost exactly the same colour as his eyes, like warm chocolate that Oliver just wanted to fall into. But Cass and Kyle had the same dry sense of humour, they even sort of talked the same, it was the same accent, the same confidence and even the same mannerisms. Cass cracked her knuckles when she had nothing else to do with her hands, chewed the corner of her bottom lip when she was nervous, played with the neck of any bottle drink like she just couldn't help herself, just like Kyle had done.

They'd been dating for a few weeks now, even ran together when she'd made some comment about her needing to do more exercise. He'd waited for her outside her apartment and she'd emerged wearing a shirt he swore Kyle had worn once. It wasn't anything special, just a dark shirt with some weird cartoon picture on the front and Oliver hated himself for recognising that Kyle had once had the same shirt. Even Cass had noticed his distress over the shirt, but she'd misunderstood, telling him that she was wearing a man's shirt because it was one her roommate had grown out of.

She had thought he was jealous and he let her believe that.

She hadn't worn that shirt again, only ever her own.

"Oliver?" she asked one afternoon as they sat nursing coffees and watching the rain fall outside. She'd interrupted one of their rare moments of silence, but he could tell she wanted to ask him something, so this time he didn't mind so much. He looked at her, just waiting. "Would you like to meet my friends?"

This was the first step they'd really made. They'd been on dates, but he hadn't even seen anything other than the outside of her apartment building. He didn't know much about her friends, about where she lived, just the bare facts. He couldn't even really remember her friends names if she'd even told them to him.

"You sure?" he asked.

She nodded. "Positive," she replied, "It won't be for like a week or so, because two of them are at a wedding and they're the sort of people you really have to meet as a group, otherwise you won't get the full effect." She often described her group of friends as pieces of a puzzle, that only really seemed to make sense when they were all together.

He wished that he could belong to something like that. In fact he craved it.

_You used to have something like that, but you blew it, remember?_

He ignored the voice in his head and smiled at his girlfriend – girlfriend, not boyfriend, _girlfriend_. "That sounds great." And he was only lying a little bit, because honestly, the thought of meeting her friends made him as nervous as hell, but he could tell it meant a lot to her. He could also tell it was an opportunity for them to assess him, to see if he was worthy, so he knew he couldn't mess up.

"I'll talk to them to set a date then," she said, beaming.

**Kyle**

Kyle had known it was going to be bad, but he hadn't thought it was going to be quite _this_ bad. From the moment he stepped food in his home town, a place that had never really been his home at all, he was shunned. He saw people, people who he'd gone to school with, grown up with and nothing had changed. Ever since they had found out he was gay, that he wasn't _normal_, they hadn't looked at him the same. Sure his parents had been great about it, about him being gay, but then his mum had died and it had all gone downhill. Especially where his father was concerned. He hadn't been the same man since the day she had been buried.

"Just ignore them," Eve said softly, slipping her arm through his as they passed a group of guys they'd gone to high school with. They all glared at Kyle, looking at him like something you'd scrape off the bottom of your shoe. Kyle remembered a time they'd treated him normally, but that had been a long time ago.

"I'm trying to," he replied, "Besides, we all know they're only jealous because I can get away with doing this." He stopped and pulled her close to him, dipping her and smiling as she laughed, planting a large, loud kiss on her mouth. She swatted him away, still laughing and that was all that really mattered, that he could make her laugh.

Eve had drawn inside of herself a little the moment they'd gotten into North Carolina. This was her brother's home, everything reminded her of him, from the dirt to the buildings. Kyle could understand that, it was just like how everything in Llanview reminded him of Oliver.

It didn't matter how hard you tried to forget something, some things just couldn't be forgotten. The art, was distraction. So if making her laugh by doing stupid things was what could distract her from her renewing grief, then he'd never stop. In truth, it helped distract him as well.

"You're an idiot," she said affectionately, bumping him with her hip before grinning at the boys, who had watched the scene with disgust and a splash of jealously, just like Kyle had hoped, "But you're my idiot."

"Most definitely," he said, taking her hand, "Now, they all think being gay is about rainbows, pink and being eternally happy." He grinned at her mischievously, "So let's give them what they want." He started skipping down the road, pulling her along with him until she joined in.

They both heard the sounds of disgust from behind them.

Thankfully, both were just having too much fun to really care. Kyle knew that it was just asking for it sometimes, but he really couldn't help winding up homophobic people. Especially when those people were from his home town.

Eve's sister basically completely ignored him, which was fine, considering they'd only arrived the day before the wedding and were leaving the day after. Missy could concentrate on her wedding and the task of pretending her sister hadn't brought her gay best friend with her and well Kyle, Kyle was just going to do his best at pretending he didn't care about anything, about any of the memories this town held.

It did annoy him a little bit that he'd had to get a new suit for the occasion, but it wasn't like he couldn't wear it again.

And when the day of the wedding arrived, Kyle sat in the back of the church, feeling completely and utterly out of place. Nobody wanted to sit near him in case they caught a case of the gay and Eve was sitting up front with her family, so that just left him completely alone with his thoughts and his misery. Not that he minded considerably, but it was still sort of depressing.

It wasn't the sitting alone part that made the wedding shit, it wasn't the fact nobody would talk to him and he could hear them all whispering and cursing him under their breaths. It even started to look up when Eve escaped her family for five minutes and pulled him onto the dance floor, surrounding him with familiarity for that short period of time, her fingers tangling in the bottom of his hair as she smiled at him. It was that smile, the smile that confirmed she didn't believe or agree with a single thing they were saying, that made him feel better.

Kyle was just on his third beer, surveying the dance floor and trying to see whether there were any people there who didn't hate him. And then he spotted him, standing upright and swaying slightly, his grey hair long and plastered back from his face, dressed in a ragged, obviously slightly too small suit. He was paler than Kyle remembered, with more lines in his face, some so deep it was like they were engraved into his flesh. His eyes were large, and watery, but at the same time sunken into his skull, evidence that he still hadn't changed his ways even after all these years.

Their eyes met and there was a moment where Kyle's father just frowned, blinking stupidly as he tried to recognise the person in front of him. It was so obvious when he did, because his lips twisted into a gruesome sort of sneer, displaying broken yellow teeth stained by alcohol, Tabaco and general neglect. He opened his mouth, about to hurl some sort of abuse over at Kyle, but he was running before there was even a chance for words to form, before even Kyle himself knew what he was doing.

It felt like he was having pieces of him torn out, like the world was just laughing at him, loving how messed up everything was becoming for him. His father, the father who had once been so amazing, so happy, was now nothing more than a shell of a man. The parents who had told him he was gay before Kyle himself even realised it, who had instantly accepted him, they were both gone. His mother was buried in the ground and his father seemed to have gone with her. Because the man who walked around with his father's face wasn't anything like the person Kyle remembered. It was no wonder Rebecca left, although Kyle wished every day that she hadn't have done. Maybe it would have helped their father, having her around.

Then again, Kyle very much doubted anything could have stopped his father becoming the person he did. It started with the drinking, moved on to drugs and then. . . well Kyle didn't want to think about what it had led to. It was the part of his life he tried to block out more than anything else, more than any other time.

Somehow, Kyle ended up with his back pressed against his mother's gravestone, his fingers gripping an old photograph so tight his knuckles shone a brilliant white. It was stupid, but his reasoning was maybe that if he held on tight enough, held on to the one happy thing he could think of above everything else, if he could cling to the memories shown in the photograph, then maybe it would stop the world from crumbling down around him.

Maybe, if he stared at Oliver Fish's smiling face for long enough, he could be back there again, laughing and smiling and happy, without anything to worry about other than putting up a little bit of pretence. He had been able to deal with the pretence pretty well and not because of the promises – the empty promises he now knew – but because he was so used to pretending anyway. Life didn't quite seem the same without something to lie about. Then it had been lying about being in a relationship with Oliver, about loving him, before that it had been lying about what his father did to him, but now, now he had nothing to lie about. He had nothing to cling to anymore. Maybe that was why he constantly felt like he was falling.

"No wonder you didn't love me," he said harshly to the photograph, rubbing his thumb over Oliver's smiling face, "Why would you?"

He stared at the photograph until his eyes felt like they were burning, until he physically didn't think he could look at that face any longer. He slipped the small photo back into his wallet, into the small compartment in the back, the place nobody ever looked, where it could be hidden. Forever a secret. Forever _his_ secret.

Kyle knew he must have drifted off, because when he opened his eyes, not only could he see the sun beginning to show itself above the horizon, but he also had another body curled up against his, a head on his shoulder and a blanket covering both of them. Eve's arms were wrapped around one of his, her fingers entwined with his own and she was breathing softly in his ear.

For a moment, he had to screw his eyes shut, so tight that it hurt a little. When he closed his eyes like that, just listened to her breathe, drank in the scent of her, the warmth of her touch, he could feel himself relax. It didn't matter that his legs were dead, as was his ass, it didn't matter that morning dew clung to his hair and eyelashes or that he'd spent the night in a grave yard. None of the rejection from yesterday mattered, not when he had something sturdy, something familiar and something that he knew would probably always be there, a person that would always be there beside him.

Then the world was at least a little bit alright, the tiniest bit better.

He squeezed her fingers, tracing his thumb over the back of her smooth hand and she stirred, her head lifting from her shoulder. Eve looked at him sleepily, blinking sleep out of her gaze. And the concern he saw in her eyes was almost overwhelming, it didn't seem fair that he should be allowed for someone to care that much.

"Are you okay?" she asked, even though she knew the answer.

Even though she knew he would lie.

"Yeah, I'm fine," he muttered, his voice croaking slightly, rough from sleep and from the pain inside of him.

One of her hands lifted, brushing a bit of his fringe out of his face. "Liar," she said, calling him out as he had known she would do, "You just saw your father again Kyle, nothing about that situation back there was ever going to be alright."

He snorted, he couldn't help it. "Well, I was actually sort of hoping he would die before I ever had a reason to come back here," he replied, his voice sounding better this time, although the anger was so obvious in his tone that both he and Eve flinched under its weight.

"You don't mean that."

Kyle shrugged, "Maybe I do."

He didn't even know anymore, he honestly didn't.

"He doesn't deserve you, Kyle," she said softly, knowing somehow that he needed to hear some sort of praise, even if it was untrue, even if it was only small, he just needed to hear it, "You have to know that Kyle, he never did deserve you."

In a way, he actually knew that, but for all those years – still maybe a little bit now – he still clung to the idea that there had to be some sort of bond between father and son. There had to be some sort of love left there, even after everything. Seeing his father again though, well that had just proved that Kyle had been wrong.

"At least I know one thing," he said, leaning his head back against his mother's gravestone and staring up at the steadily lightening sky, "There's one person in this town who doesn't hate me for being gay." His father had never hated him for being gay, he'd never had any problem with that. It was just the rest of Kyle that he had developed issues with, just the rest that he had ridiculed and despised.

She pressed a kiss against his cheekbone, moving so that she sat in a kneeling position beside him, the blanket falling away. "Nobody should hate you," she said, the truth, or at least what she believed to be true ringing through her words as clear as day, "You're too perfect to be hated."

And yet he was anyway.

"I know," he said, making a weak attempt at flippancy and humour.

She didn't buy it. Of course she didn't buy it. She knew him too well. And really, nobody would have bought it, not given what had happened. Even Kyle wasn't that good at pretending, not at moments like these, when he felt like his heart and soul had been torn out stamped on and then presented to a jury to laugh at.

"Is there anything I can do?" she asked, her fingers combing through the top of his hair, relaxing him slightly.

He looked at her sideways, knowing she would have given him the world if he had asked for it right then. "Just take me home, please, Evie," he muttered to her in a broken voice, "I just want you to take me home."


	3. Chapter 3

**So. . . here it is. . . the moment when Kyle and Oliver meet again :) hope u enjoy.**

**Kyle**

As soon as Kyle saw that familiar blonde head, heard Cass' squeal of delight and then watched as she flung her arms out to hug the newcomer, her just knew that life was being purposefully cruel to him. Pairing up his best friend and with the potential love of his life, that was just unfair.

He felt like he had been hit by a truck, the shock clawed at his stomach threatening to make him be sick, but at the same time everything just stopped. _I must have been a bastard in a former life_, he thought bitterly as Cass released her hold on her new boyfriend and twisted around to introduce him to everybody.

And when Kyle's eyes met Oliver's, something inside of him seemed to snap. He'd had enough of this already, he didn't need to be standing here watching them. The smile slid from Oliver's face as he recognised him and when Kyle stood, a look crossed his face for a brief moment that said Oliver honestly thought Kyle was going to hug him in greeting. _Not likely_, Kyle's still bitter, twisted and broken heart scoffed.

"Kyle, where are you going?" Cass asked as he pushed past them, taking special care not to touch Oliver. He didn't want to feel that little shock when their skin brushed, not not, not tonight, not ever again.

But at the same time, oh how he craved that contact!

He scrunched his eyes tightly shut for a second, trying to scramble for control of his facial expressions, let alone his emotions as he turned back to the best friend he had ever had and the boy who had broken his heart standing beside her. He forced a smile onto his face and tried to push down and banish the murderous thoughts flitting through his mind.

But he couldn't help it. The jealousy was threatening to blind him. Just the easy was that she was holding Oliver's hand, his gaze seemed to zero in on that immediately and it made him see red. He couldn't help that there was still that part of him - the college, sappy, lovesick, heartbroken, stupid part of him - that considered Oliver Fish _his. _

Of course he wasn't his, he never had been, but Kyle still felt like he had Oliver's name tattooed on his heart, forever.

Kyle knew that as his best friend, Cass would see straight through his fake smile, maybe Oliver could to, but he could only hope that neither of them would see the depth of his pain. The onyl thing he could do was keep smiling, keep smiling until it hurt as much as his heart did and then say in the smoothest voice he could, "I'm going to go get very drunk."

Hopefully that would help, but he doubted it.

Kyle brought his eyes up to meet Oliver's again, trying to ignore the little shiver of pleasure that went through him as he did so. "Nice to see you again, Fish," he said and he knew he was the only one who really understood the look of guilt and hurt that crossed Oliver's face.

_But oh well_, Kyle thought as he turned away again, heading for the bar, _I have vodka to drink and memories to forget_.

If only that were possible. It wasn't like he hadn't tried that already, so many times in the past, trying to forget that he had ever met Oliver Fish. He'd try to forget his face, his touch, the feel of his lips, but it never really worked. All the alcohol did was numb him so that he couldn't feel his heartache anymore. And then in the morning, hopefully he would have a big enough hang over that he didn't have time to think about a certain blonde haired blue eyed guy who haunted his every move.

Maybe.

**Oliver**

Oliver hadn't expected to see Kyle here, of course he hadn't and he hated himself for the moment of pure happiness that the surprise allowed him. If he had expected it, he would have had time to prepare, but as usual Kyle Lewis managed to catch him completely off guard. The guy just seemed to get under his skin, always had been able to, ever since that college party where they'd first met.

He hadn't changed very much, his dark hair was short and slightly spiked, his hazel eyes framed by thick lashes. He even seemed to have the same dress sense, which actually Oliver had expected him to change, because not a lot of people could pull off the same look they had in college. But Kyle managed it, of course he managed it.

_He's still beautiful_, Oliver thought before he shook himself. He couldn't think things like that. Only people like Kyle thought things like that about another man, only gay people did and Oliver wasn't gay. He couldn't be gay, so he wasn't. It didn't matter what had happened in college.

What Oliver would never have been able to prepare for though, even if he had known that Kyle was going to be here tonight was the look of pain that flashed through the other man's eyes. He looked like someone had just killed his dog in front of him and knowing that he was the cause of that pain made guilt swirl around Oliver's brain and clog up his thoughts. He shouldn't feel guilty, but he did.

He half expected - probably more than half expected if he was being honest - Kyle to snap and make some comment about what had happened in college between them, but he didn't. He just walked off, claiming that he was going to go get drunk. Oliver almost wished he could join him, he was going to need alcohol if he was going to get through this night.

Of course, Kyle wasn't going to leave everybody completely oblivious to what was going on, so he still made a reference to the fact they knew each other. He could feel Cass' interest peak immediately beside him, but he didn't focus on that immediately. Instead, all he could think about was the detached way Kyle had spoken to him, the way he had called him Fish. He hadn't used to call him Fish, only when he was angry or they were in public together.

_You shouldn't care, you shouldn't care that he called you Fish_, his brain reminded him and he resisted the urge to nod to himself.

So he tore his eyes away from Kyle's retreating figure and smiled down at Cass, his girlfriend.

"You two know each other?" she asked, her eyebrows rising into her hairline, the surprise that neither had mentioned this little connection obvious in her expression, "I didn't know that." _That's because I did my best to forget I knew him!_

Oliver made himself shrug, made himself seem as relaxed as he possibly could. "W-We were frat brothers," he explained, wincing at the slight stammer, but nobody seemed to notice it other than him. At the very least, they didn't call him out on it. He banged his fists together nervously as he waited for her reaction. The explanation that they were frat brothers was a good enough one, wasn't it? After all, they _technically_ had been.

"Oh God, I completely forgot that you went to the same college," she said, smacking herself lightly in the forehead and he thought for a second that would be the end of the subject until she seemed to remember that Kyle had stormed off, "You two not get on or something?"

He shrugged again. "We had a bit of a falling out," he admitted, "But we weren't really close enough to stay in touch anyway."

_Liar, liar, pants on fire_!

He fought the urge to smack himself in the head like Cass had done, to try and knock the little voice out of his head that was chiding him. He knew he was lying, he knew that was a sin, but wasn't it better to lie than to confess to an even greater sin that he had committed?

_It was just a slip up, nothing more than a phase, it didn't mean anything,_ he reminded himself, _You're not like him!_

"Well, that's a shame," Cass said, pulling him into the booth that Kyle had vacated, opposite two other people who were watching the whole scene intently, "Kyle's a really great guy, a great friend to have on your side."

Oliver almost said, "I know," but he managed to stop himself at the last minute, instead just nodding. The girl opposite him was narrowing her eyes, scowling slightly like she knew exactly why he was so nervous. Could she know? Had Kyle told her?

"H-how l-long have you know, K-Kyle then?" he asked, needing answers even if just saying Kyle's name out loud for the first time in so long made him want to throw up. It made him want to throw up because he loved the way it sounded. _Kyle Lewis_, the most beautiful name he had ever heard.

And there he went again, needing somebody to seriously come and shut his brain up.

"Oh we all went to the same high school," Cass explained, "But Kyle and I have been best friends since like birth." She grinned, like this fact would please him. It didn't, it just made him feel all the more guilty because he felt like he was stealing something from Kyle.

Cass didn't notice his discomfort, but the girl across the table from them seemed to. The boy was just happily oblivious to everything, staring off into space like it held all the answers he ever needed. "Oh crap, I forgot to introduce you," Cass said, slipping her hand into his as she beamed at her friends, "This is Eve and Luke."

The guy Luke, a tall guy with the build of a quarter-back with sandy brown hair and pale green eyes that seemed a little vacant offered him a smile, but the girl Eve just scowled at him. She was pretty, in an elf-like sort of way. She was pint-sized, with her reddish-brown hair in a wild pixie-cut and eyes like dark chocolate that at this moment were shooting daggers at him.

"I'm going to check on Kyle," she said after a moment, still glaring at him as she eased out of the booth, "We don't need him passing out and completely ruining his week." Oliver had a feeling she would completely blame him if that happened and to be honest, he felt that it was warranted.

This was all his fault, he just hoped she didn't know the extent of it. The way she was looking at him, he suspected that she might, but he couldn't be sure. At least she hadn't made any sort of comment, at least she hadn't ruined this for him.

Cass patted his arm comfortingly, like she thought he was offended at Eve's rapid departure rather than relieved by it. "Don't worry, she's just hormonal," she muttered to him, although it really wasn't all that quietly since it elicited a smile from Luke, "She's also a little bit protective of Kyle, thinks everyone's just some massive homophobe out of kick his head in."

Across the table, Luke fixed her with a serious stare, some life seeming to come into his expression finally. "It is warranted, Cass," he said and then thankfully decided to explain to Oliver what he meant by that, saving him from having to dig it out of one of them, "Eve's brother was gay, he was killed in a gay bashing two years ago, so she gets a bit protective over Kyle sometimes."

Oliver couldn't help but flinch. The idea of somebody being killed because they were gay made him feel ill, but it just reinforced his decision never to admit to being with another man. He wasn't gay, so he didn't have to worry about coming out, but people would just react badly if they knew about his experimentation in college. Just like his mother had.

God, he remembered the look on her face that day. It still haunted him.

"I-It's understandable then," he said eventually, because he knew they were waiting for him to comment.

He couldn't help but feel a little bit relieved then, because he realised her glare was because she thought he was homophobic. She didn't know. Kyle hadn't told her. And all he had to do was prove to her that he wasn't homophobic and then she would be fine with him and he would be able to get on with all of Cass' friends. Just like he knew she wanted. The only problem he now had was Kyle. He could be around him, he could cope with that, he just had to work out a way to not feel like his skin was on fire every time he got close to him.

"Yeah," Cass agreed, withdrawn for only a second, "Well, let's get a round in and maybe Kyle and Eve will come back over."

He smiled at her as best he could, "Yeah, maybe."

**Kyle**

Kyle hadn't told anybody about what had happened between him and Oliver in college. He hadn't told a soul, not a single one of his best friends. They'd known that he'd had a college love, but they hadn't known who it was, they hadn't been given any details. And all because Oliver had asked him not to tell anybody. He'd take the secret to his grave, all because _Oliver Fish had asked him nicely not to tell_. God, it was so juvenile, this entire situation. He hated it.

As he sat there at the bar nursing a beer, already having knocked back several shots of vodka, just to help numb the pain inside of him, he wondered what the hell he had done to deserve this. But he also wondered how the hell he was supposed to get over Oliver, when the guy looked so God damn good. He was still gorgeous, possibly a little more so than he had been in college. His blonde hair was cut short and he'd put on some extra muscle, the shirt he wore clinging to him like a second skin and making Kyle's mouth water from the sight.

Sure, he'd been upset to see Oliver with Cass, but he hadn't been upset enough to neglect noticing things like that. Sitting at the bar now, he had to grip the beer glass tightly to stop his fingers from twitching with the desire to touch Oliver. It didn't even matter that he was all the way across the room playing happy couple with Cass. Kyle could still feel him, feel himself being drawn towards Oliver like there was some sort of magnetic pull connecting them.

Of course, that was stupid, because the only thing connecting them was memories, pain and regret.

"Are you okay?" Eve sat down beside him, her small hand resting on his arm as she looked at him with wide brown eyes. Her expression was full of never-ending concern and Kyle knew why. Sometimes it annoyed him that she was so protective, so worried for him, but then he knew why and he knew it was understandable so he didn't tell her to stop. To be honest, he quite liked the idea of somebody caring for him so much.

He nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine Evie," he told her, not drunk enough yet for the alcohol to slur his words although he knew she was definitely able to tell that he'd had some. Then again, a blind man could probably tell. "You don't have to keep an eye on me you know," he told her, "Go have fun or something, unwind a little."

She stared at him for a long minute and he couldn't help but squirm under her gaze. It felt like she was looking deep inside him, literally dragging answers out of him. "Stop givin' me the death glare, Evie," he said, scowling, "You know I hate that."

A small smile cracked through her angry facade, especially when he tweaked the end of her nose. "What went on between you two?" she asked after ordering a drink, obviously willing to tolerate his mopey crap if she hadn't left yet, "He says you were frat brothers."

Kyle nodded, taking a large mouthful of beer and yet again hoping it would wash away all the thoughts in his head. The thoughts he didn't want to be there anymore.

"Were you friends?"

He shrugged. "We were frat brothers," he said, purposefully being vague because he couldn't give too much away. It would break his promise and out of him and Oliver, he wanted to be able to say that he hadn't broken their promises. Oliver certainly couldn't say the same. "That automatically makes you friends at least a little bit."

And that was true.

Eve looked at him as though she knew he wasn't telling her everything, but that was her problem not his. "He says you fell out," she said after a moment, "But that you weren't close enough in the first place to keep in touch."

_Oh that's a lovely way of putting it Oliver! We fell out! Suuuure!_ Kyle couldn't help the thoughts running through his head, just like he couldn't help the irritation that crossed his face. He knew Eve had picked up on it, but she didn't comment, thankfully. "We argued not long before graduation," he admitted finally, knowing full well that she was like a dog with a bone, "With the things that were said, there wasn't a chance of us staying in touch."

She opened her mouth to say something, but he held up his hand while he swallowed the rest of his beer. "Do not ask me what was said," Kyle told her sternly, "It's nothing you need to worry your pretty little head about." He took her hand, threading his fingers through hers, "Now, come dance with me."

He tugged her off towards the dance floor and pouted when she resisted slightly. As he had hoped, she couldn't resist an innocent face and relented, wrapping her arms around his neck as he pulled her flush against his body. Their movements were easy, well-practice, making it the sort of dance that only ever came when you'd had the same partner for more than a handful of dances. As the gay friend, Kyle always got lumped with the responsibility of dancing with Cass and Eve, not that he minded in the slightest. The looks of jealousy that he got were priceless, especially considering he wasn't getting off on dancing with them at all. Sure, it was fun, but it wasn't anything more than that.

Kyle let himself fall into the old, comfortable routine that dancing with Eve entailed and maybe it was thanks to the alcohol, or maybe it was just that he had something else to think about, but he found that for one dance at least, his thoughts weren't completely consumed by the blonde-haired beauty sitting not too far away.

**Oliver**

"Looks like he isn't in such a bad mood after all," Cass commented, looking past Oliver to where Kyle and Eve were dancing. Kyle had his hands on her waist and they were dancing like they were joined at the crotch for lack of a better description. It was sexualised, flirty, but the pleasure in Kyle's expression came from knowing people were envying him rather than the fact he had a beautiful girl grinding up against him.

And Oliver knew that, he _knew_ Kyle was gay, but he still he didn't like how they were dancing. He refused to think of himself as being jealous. . . no that wasn't it. He just didn't like the fact they were so publically flaunting themselves.

_Or maybe it's just that you never got the chance to dance with Kyle like that. _

Oliver ignored that voice in his head, smiling at Cass, pleased when she smiled back at him.

_You could have danced with him like that; you know you could have. _

He pressed a kiss to Cass' cheek and a slight blush rose to her cheeks. She leant against him, resting her head on his shoulder as she watched Kyle and Eve dance. He thought a part of her wanted to go and join them, but he was blocking her exit from the booth and honestly, he didn't want her to move. He didn't want to be left alone with her friends, not yet.

_It's all your fault you were scared. You could be with him now, not her, but you were just scared_.

Oliver drained the rest of his beer and shook his head discretely, thinking maybe that would help dislodge the thoughts rattling around in his brain. It was the voice, that annoying voice that kept reminding him of the past, refusing to let him forget and move on from what had happened. If he could shake that voice, he would be fine, but it was easier said than done.

"I'm going to get another drink," he said mildly, edging out of the booth and away from Cass. He knew he shouldn't have, but he actually felt a little relieved to be away from her touch. She was sort of clingy, not in a ridiculously bad way, just enough for it to be noticeable. "Do you want anything?"

He had to make sure to be polite, even if he did feel like he was just seconds away from snapping under the tension of the situation.

Luke shook his head, "I'm good mate." He held up his half-full beer and Oliver felt a little embarrassed that he'd drunk his quite so quickly. "Could you get those two a drink though?" he asked, motioning to the dance floor as though on a second thought, "They'll probably be back over after this song."

"O-Of course," Oliver replied, not completely sure why he was stammering, it just happened, "What will they want?"

He knew what Kyle would like to drink, even though he would never admit it, but Eve was a mystery to him.

"Eve'll have a gin and tonic probably," Cass said even though Luke had opened his mouth to speak, "Kyle's had a bit to drink already so he won't care what you give him to drink, just get him the same as whatever your having."

_I wonder if they have that beer we drank down by the lake_.

The thought managed to slip through his hastily erected barricades before he could stop himself. The only thing he could really do was pretend like he had never thought it, so he just smiled and moved away from the booth, weaving through the crowds of people towards the bar. The club was busy tonight, but then it was almost every night as far as he could tell from the handful of times he had been in here. He wasn't much of a clubbing person, but Cass had wanted him to meet her friends so he had easily agreed.

He didn't want to do anything that would make himself seem out of place. He didn't want her to think he was odd, different, anything less than a completely normal, straight man that she was pleased to date. He didn't want her to know the truth about what had happened, because that would make him less of a man, wouldn't it?

"You okay?" the bartender asked him even before taking his order. A frown creased the skin between his eyebrows and he was obviously trying to work out if Oliver was drunk or not. It made Oliver wonder what he saw, but when he caught sight of his reflection in the glass cabinet behind the bar, he couldn't see anything out of the ordinary. He looked like he always did.

He nodded, "I'm fine, why?"

"You look like you've seen a ghost is all," the guy said, but then shrugged it off, "Probably just me seeing things, what can I get for you?" Oddly though, he wasn't far off the mark.

"A gin and tonic, a pint of bitter and. . ." he looked at the case of refrigerated bottles behind the bar, his gaze instantly zeroing in on the one he wanted, "And a Red Buck please." He slid the money across the counter, hardly able to take his eyes off the label of that one beer.

_"Red Buck, I've never heard of it," Oliver said, holding the bottle up and twisting it around so that the sun lit up the brown bottle. He couldn't risk glancing sideways at the person beside him, because he knew his expression would betray his emotions if he did. _

_ "Well if you don't want it, I'll just drink them all myself," Kyle replied, reached out to snag the bottle back from him, but Oliver didn't release his hold, instead dragging Kyle closer to him so that the other boy was forced to lie partially on him. _

_ Oliver didn't care about that though, they were in a secluded place. There was no one else here. _

_ "Did I say I didn't want it?" he asked, able to taste Kyle's breath on his tongue now that their faces were barely inches apart. He let his lips curve upwards into a smile and then Kyle was closing the distance between them, his mouth skimming over Oliver's as their fingers twined together down by their side, gripping tight so that nothing would ever separate them. _

Oliver forced aside the memories flickering behind his eyelids and smiled at the bartender, awkwardly holding the three drinks. He was sort of glad for that though, because the concentration it took not to spill or drop them on the way back to the booth stopped him thinking about Kyle. . . for a moment.

Cass was sitting alone on one side of the booth, the other three opposite her with Kyle in the middle. Oliver hated how close he was sitting to Luke, how comfortable he seemed to be with him and with Eve pressed up on his other side. She had her hand resting on his thigh and it was almost a protective gesture, as was the way that Luke's arm was slung behind Kyle on the back of the booth. And in the middle, he just sat there all innocently, like he had no idea what problems he was causing in Oliver's head.

The instant Oliver slid into the booth, Cass slipped her fingers through his, cuddling up to his arm and it was all he could do not to flinch away from her touch. He knew he shouldn't be feeling like that, but it was the way that Kyle was staring at him from across the table. It was unnerving and so familiar.

He pushed the gin and tonic towards Eve, who smiled and the bottle of beer towards Kyle. It was a moment before he looked down at it, even registered what it was, but when he did, his eyes widened slightly and he looked at Oliver in surprise. It was a look that clearly asked, _you remember?_ Oliver expected him to comment, in a way even wished he would, but instead he just took a long swig from it before fixing Oliver with a level stare and finally asking, "So Fish, you finally a cop?"

His voice was exactly the same, rough and scratchy, so completely masculine with that fantastic hint of accent that revealed his home state. Oliver wanted to close his eyes and listen to that voice all day, to just revel in the memory of it, but instead he stammered, "Y-Yeah I am." But that didn't seem like an adequate answer and he didn't want to seem weak in front of Kyle, so he added, "What about you? Are you a doctor yet?"

Kyle stared at him for what seemed like ages, but was probably only a few seconds. "I'm getting there," he said slowly, toying with the neck of the beer bottle, "I'm in med school, working at the hospital, so I'm not far off."

It was impossible for Oliver not to smile a little bit at the idea of Kyle finally getting his dream. "Good," he muttered, "That's good." All the way through college, all Kyle had ever talked about being was a doctor. That was his entire dream and even though Oliver wanted to deny Kyle's very existence, he couldn't help but be please for him, proud of him.

The table lapsed into silence, Oliver not quite able to think of what he wanted to say to Kyle. He didn't know what to say to any of the others either, but making conversation with them didn't matter to him too much. He knew it should, but it didn't.

And then, Kyle was swearing under his breath, muttering, "Hide me," right before he sunk underneath the table.

**Kyle**

One moment he was staring at Oliver trying to work out how the hell he was going to get through this evening without either going mad or grabbing a hold of him and never letting go, and then the next he was spotting the ex from hell and sinking down underneath the table.

And it was a good thing that he had such great friends, because Eve and Luke caught on within moments, sliding closer to each other to conceal the fact there was no longer a third person sitting with them on their side of the booth. Underneath the table, Kyle curled himself into a tight ball and tried to focus on something other than how Oliver's legs were pressed against his arm, the warm heat from that simple touch seeming to sizzle through him like electricity.

"Where is he?" Blake's tone was blunt, arrogant, like he knew full well that Kyle was going to be there with them. Of course, he was, but that wasn't the point. The point was that this guy shouldn't have been so sure of himself.

Kyle could practically feel Cass bristle. "None of your fucking business," she replied just as bluntly and Kyle could imagine her eyes narrowing at him. She'd never liked Blake, but stupidly had kept those opinions to herself throughout the course of Kyle and his relationship. If she'd just stepped up to the plate and told him that she thought the guy was a dickhead, they wouldn't have been in this mess.

But then, Kyle was just in the mood to blame her for things tonight.

"It is my business," Blake replied, "Because it's Kyle and Kyle's my business."

One of them snorted, possibly Luke, but Kyle couldn't have been sure.

"Not anymore," Eve said. She hadn't liked Blake either, but she hadn't hidden that distaste as well as Cass had. The only problem was that she had simply said, "He isn't my sort of person," so that had not been much use to Kyle later on down the line either.

"When are you going to get it through your head?" Blake asked and Kyle could tell he was getting angry, "Kyle is mine, he always will be."

Of course, the guy couldn't have been more wrong. Kyle did belong to someone and it was someone there at that moment, but it wasn't Blake. It never would be Blake and it never could have been. The guy was just possessive and sour over the fact Kyle had dumped him and not looked back since that moment.

He never should have gone out with him in the first place.

"I don't think so."

Kyle started. _Had that been Oliver? That couldn't have been Oliver? Had Oliver just spoken in his defence?_ He really hated how frantic and excited his heart was becoming, it felt like it was literally throwing itself against his ribs.

"And who the fuck are you?"

Without even thinking, Kyle curled his fingers around Oliver's ankle. He felt the other man jump, but he also knew that Oliver understood. He shouldn't get up. He shouldn't stand up and face off against Blake. That was the worst thing to do. If he stood up, he was dead meat. Kyle tried desperately to ignore the heat radiating off of Oliver's body so that he could listen to his reply.

"_Officer_ Oliver Fish," he replied and Kyle loved that he'd put such an emphasis on the Officer part, "And I also happen to know Kyle pretty well, so I think I can safely say that Kyle is not yours, nor will he ever be yours, he's too much of an arrogant, confident tit to belong to somebody."

_Oh how you're wrong_, Kyle thought just before the memories of another time Oliver had referred to him as that overlapped the present reality.

_"What are you doing?" Oliver asked, watching as Kyle stared at himself in the mirror, casually running a hand through his hair, arranging it so that it stuck up more. His eyes shone in the reflection as his gaze met Oliver's. _

_ "Looking at how gorgeous I am," he replied and then grinned in that easy, contented way he knew Oliver loved, "You really are lucky you know."_

_ Oliver snorted and his eyebrows flew up almost into his hairline, "Careful, you're arrogance is starting to show." He slipped his arms around Kyle's waist, resting his chin on his shoulder. He was getting more confident when they were together and Kyle found it thrilling, he just couldn't help but wish for a time Oliver would be like this in public. _

_ "Well, I don't see the point in denying it when we both know it's true," he replied, placing his hands over Oliver's where they joined on his stomach. He liked being held by Oliver like this, it made him feel like he belonged to someone, finally, like he was safe. "Besides, I prefer to call it confidence, not arrogance."_

_ Oliver smirked, his eyes still holding Kyle's in the mirror. "Oh no, you're confident as well," he said, his voice practically ringing with honesty, "But this right here, this is you being an arrogant tit." He pressed a kiss to Kyle's temple, "Not that I'd have it any other way."_

_ And it was small confessions like that that Kyle lived for, that he craved._

He still craved words like that, but he wasn't going to get them from Oliver anymore, he knew that. And he had _almost_ accepted it.

"I still don't know who the fuck you are," Blake replied, but his anger was starting to simmer down now that he knew he was looking at a cop, "So you obviously don't know Kyle as well as you seem to think you do."

Yet, that was the thing, the thing that Kyle knew for sure and the thing that actually kept him sane some nights he wallowed in his depression over a certain guy. Oliver or Kyle could deny it all they like, but they both knew each other better than anybody ever could hope to. Nobody else could ever hope to know Kyle like Oliver did, or at least like he had done during their college years. For all he knew, Oliver could have forgotten everything other than the fact he had to avoid Kyle at all costs.

He'd probably fabricated a completely different series of events for what had happened between them.

"Whatever you say," Oliver said and Kyle could tell he'd shrugged, "But it doesn't really matter anyway, because do you see him sitting here?" He didn't even wait for an answer. "No, you don't, so that means he isn't here and that isn't going to change no matter how much you shout and scream and stamp your feet."

Kyle hated the confidence in Oliver's voice, he hated how that coupled with the heat radiating through the hold he had still on Oliver's ankle was seriously turning him on. It shouldn't do, but nevertheless he could feel his trousers becoming a little bit tighter as his dick twitched in response to Oliver's voice. In response to his tone, if he was being more specific.

"What the fuck ever," Blake said angrily after a moment, displaying really well his love for the word fuck, "Just tell him I want to see him."

"Not likely," Eve said in that bold, 'don't fuck with me right now, because I'm pissed off' voice of hers.

Wisely, Blake didn't say anything else, but Kyle still held his breath until he saw the feet turn and stomp away. It was still another five minutes before Cass gave the all clear, "You can come back up now, Kyle."

Slowly, reluctantly, Kyle released his hold on Oliver's ankle and Eve slid out of the booth so that he could crawl back up onto the seat. Once there, he also stood up. "Thanks," he said quickly to nobody in particular, refusing to meet Oliver's gaze, "I think I'm going to go home now to be honest."

The happy buzz of alcohol was fading from his veins and he was starting to feel the depression close in on him.

Eve touched his arm briefly, "Kyle, you okay?"

He nodded, giving her a fleeting on armed hug and pressed a kiss to her cheek, just like everything was completely normal. Of course, it wasn't. "I don't want to talk about it Evie," he said, "I'll call you tomorrow or something, I just need to go."

Nobody even tried to stop him as he made his way out of the club/bar, using the back exit so that there was no risk of bumping into Blake outside. And when I got home, I did the only thing I could to try and block the pain in my chest out. I curled up in a ball with my arms wrapped tight around my knees and just cried, cried until the tears wouldn't fall anymore.

The worst part: it reminded me even more of college when I did that.


	4. Chapter 4

**Kyle**

It had been one of those days.

One of those days where Kyle wanted nothing more than to go home and go straight to sleep. He'd spent the morning revising like crazy for his exams, then he'd gone to the hospital to work only to have one woman insist she couldn't be tended to by a fag. How the hell she had even known he was gay, Kyle had no idea. She probably just have an impeccable gaydar or something.

And that was the reason why he was so _not_ in the mood to arrive home and find what he did.

It wasn't even a matter of being jealous, it was just that he really didn't have the patience.

Cass was straddling Oliver, her arms around his neck and her hips subtly grinding against his as they kissed. The worst part wasn't even what they were doing, it was the fact that it made their relationship real, for definite. It made his heart break a little bit more in his chest.

He stood there stupidly or a minute and then those blue eyes opened, widened and Oliver realised he was standing there. Honestly, Kyle just wished the ground would open up and swallow him whole, it would save him the misery.

**Oliver**

"K-Kyle, you l-live here?" Oliver asked, dumbfounded as he stared at where Kyle stood in the doorway to the apartment, his keys hanging loose in his hand.

He had just been staring at them, but at the sound of Oliver's voice, his features knitted together into a scowl. "Yeah," he said bitterly, his voice laced with that classic and vicious Kyle Lewis sarcasm, "Sorry for the inconvenience of that, I'll just be in my room." The front door slammed shut behind him and he literally stalked through the apartment towards his room. "Have fun you two," he tossed over his shoulder, "Don't do anything I wouldn't do."

Oliver couldn't help but wince at his tone. He really hated upsetting Kyle like this, because he knew it was upsetting him. It was written all over his face whenever he looked at Oliver. And he knew Kyle would never believe him, but Oliver actually hated himself for what he was doing, he just didn't see a way that it could be helped. Other than leaving, but he had a feeling Kyle would dislike that just as much as him sticking around.

"Well somebody's in a bad mood," Cass muttered, really not looking all that bothered. Maybe Kyle was in a bad mood a lot, Oliver didn't know. "Oh well," she muttered, her lips moving closer to his again, "I'll take him a cup of coffee in a bit."

Her mouth closed over Oliver's and the kiss was sweet, but it wasn't electrifying, it wasn't amazing, it was just a kiss. Her fingers pushed into the back of his hair and he let his eyes drift closed, imagining when Kyle used to do exactly the same thing. He imagined that the thighs either side of his were harder, firmer, larger, that the hair he ran his fingers through was shorter, not quite as dark and a lot softer.

Oliver knew she could feel his arousal pressing against her and she moaned softly into his mouth. Her voice was higher than Kyle's, not as rough or husky, but it had the same accent. He could use that, his imagination practically soaked that up.

He moved them so that she was pinned beneath his body and she was too slender, not as firm, but he ignored that. She pulled her top over her head as he did the same to his own, both of them fell to the floor beside the sofa. He ran his hands over her body, wishing the chest was flat, the abs rock hard with that small happy trail of dark hair leading south. And even though it wasn't, even though the body he was loving didn't seem to be the right one, he could imagine it in his head and that was enough.

He let himself fall into his imagination.

He kissed his way down Kyle's body, trailing his tongue across his flesh, letting it dip into his bellybutton like Oliver knew he loved. He nipped lightly on Kyle's hip bones as he tugged down his trousers, pulling them off and dropping them to the floor to join their shirts.

Fingers in his hair tugged him back up, lips met his hungrily and he devoured them, letting his tongue slide over Kyle's before sucking lightly on his lower lip. He felt his belt being undone and climbed off the sofa briefly to push them down, remembering to grab the condom out of his back pocket. That condom was taken from him, but only for a second because soon skilled fingers were rolling it down his length. He couldn't help but moan slightly at that contact.

Then he was being pulled back onto the sofa, his dick automatically seeking out the warm heat. When the head pushed in, it was tight and warm, but it wasn't enough. It wasn't what he expected, it wasn't what he wanted. But it was all he had, all that was offered. That first entry shattered his dream, shattered what his imagination had created and he had to lie still for a moment, fully seated inside of Cass, just breathing and trying to gain control.

His memories helped him out, the memories of rough breathing, of huskily whispered words, words that often didn't even make sense. He clung to those sounds, clung to the memories as he started to move. He buried his face in the crook of Cass' neck, images flickering behind his eyelids before one stuck.

In his old college dorm room, the one he shared with Kyle, his legs were tangled in the sheets, Kyle's legs locked behind his ass. Kyle was moaning, softly, trying to stay quiet because he knew there were people who could hear them. His eyes were locked on Oliver's, keeping them connected in another way other than physical. His heels dug into Oliver's ass as he reached between them with one hand to touch himself, his other hand delving into Oliver's hair. A small, contented smile appeared on Kyle's face and he used the grip on Oliver's hair to pull him down, to kiss him so gently, with so much love that it all of a sudden became too much.

He slammed into Kyle twice more, his hips stuttering and moaning as he tumbled over the edge. And Kyle was right there with him, his head dropping back as his eyes rolled into the back of his head, breaking the connection for that moment. His mouth was open, but no sound came out for a while and then he moaned, low and raspy, Oliver's name.

It was the most beautiful thing Oliver had ever seen. He leant down to press his mouth against Kyle's, longing to kiss him when fingers stroked over his back and they were too soft, the touch too light, not rough and firm like Kyle's had often been. And that brought him back to reality, where he was lying with his face still buried in Cass' neck, breathing heavily as she ran her fingers along his spine.

In his chest, his heart felt faraway still, still stuck in the past, in his dreamland and his imagination . . . with Kyle.

**Kyle**

He could hear them, he could hear what they were doing. Cass wasn't exactly quiet, never had been, but it hadn't ever bothered him before. It wouldn't have bothered him now either, if he hadn't been able to hear Oliver's own moans mingling in with hers.

He was enjoying it.

Kyle knew that sound, he knew how Oliver sounded when he was enjoying it.

He was definitely enjoying it now.

And that just killed Kyle. It made him die a little inside, made him feel physically ill. His fist slammed into the framed photograph, the glass smashing, embedding into his knuckles, but he hardly even registered the pain. Because how could any physical pain content with the pain inside of him.

He crumpled in a heap to the floor, pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes, hoping that maybe that would block it out. But nothing, nothing could block it out, not when the moans could be heard inside his head now. Not when the only thing he seemed to be able to think about was Oliver.

_His Oliver, who wasn't even his Oliver anymore. _


End file.
